1. |
Twinkle Twinkle / ZYX
01:14
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Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are, bud.
And d00d! there's another tune that goes to the same melody. It's the Alphabet Song! Today we're gonna do it backwards so that we can practice getting out of thrown into the drunk tank.
Z-Y-X-W-V-U,
T-S-R-Q-P-O-M-N-L,
K-J-I, H-G-F
E-D-C, B & A.
Now I know my alphabets,
Don't place me under arrest.
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2. |
Skip To My Lou
00:36
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(d00d, we're hittin' all the harmonies.)
Screw you, skip to my Lou
Screw you, skip to my Lou
Screw you, skip to my Lou
Skip to my Lou, my darling.
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
Little lamb
Mary had a little lamb
It tasted really good.
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3. |
This Old Man
01:02
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This old man he played 1.
He played nick-nack on my lawn,
So I dropkicked the fucker in the fuckin troat,
Now that fucker stays off my lawn.
This old man, he played 2.
He said, “Rusty Peen, go screw.”
So I dropkicked that fucker in the fuckin troat,
This old man can go screw himself, too!
This old man, he played 3.
He called the cops on Rusty Peen,
So I dropkicked the fucker in the fuckin troat,
Now that man stays off my weed.
This old man, he taped 4
Cease and desist notes on my door,
So I dropkicked that fucker in the fuckin troat,
Now that man pissed me off some more.
This old man, he played 5.
He drank my beer, now he’s gonna die.
So I dropkicked that fucker in the fuckin troat,
Now that man has broken thighs.
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4. |
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Put the lotion in the basket, in the basket.
Put the lotion in the basket, in the basket.
Put the lotion on the skin, or it gets the hose again.
Put the lotion in the mother lovin' basket.
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5. |
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6. |
Danny Boy
01:09
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7. |
Itsy Bitsy Spider
00:31
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The isty bitsy spider went up the water spout
Down came the rain and washed that fucker out
Up came the sun and it dried up all the rain
And that stupid little bastard went up the fuckin water spout again, d00d!
And broke into my home without asking.
D00d, it's a fuckin breakin in and entering song and you should take note and learn a fuckin lesson or two, bud. Yohpp!
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8. |
Old MacDonald
00:56
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Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had a horse
E-I-E-I-O
And the horse said: "D00d! The odds are 50 to 1. I'm a long-shot, but you should fuckin take it, bud."
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
And on his farm he had a horse
E-I-E-I-O
And it went: "Wheeee!" here, and "Eeeee!" here. And, "D00d! I wanna murder a fuckin house pet!"
Old MacDonald had a farm
E-I-E-I-O
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9. |
You Are My Champagne
01:06
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You are my champagne,
my only champagne.
You are much better than Budweiser or Coors.
Although it’s morning
it’s 5:00 somewhere.
Please don’t stop me from drinkin all day.
The other night dear,
I shat myself.
I ran completely out of beer.
And at the Cumby’s, they only had Bud Light,
So I drove home to Milton in tears.
You are my champagne,
my only champagne.
You’re better than Budweiser or Coors.
Although it’s morning
it’s 5:00 somewhere.
Please don’t stop me from drinkin all day.
Please don’t stop me from drinkin all day.
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10. |
Comin Round The Mountin'
01:13
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She'll be comin round the mountin' when she comes
She'll be comin round the mountin' when she comes
She'll be comin round the mountin', comin round the mountin',
Comin round the mountin' when she comes
She'll be screwin' six white horses when she comes
She'll be screwin' six white horses when she comes
She'll be screwin' six white horses, screwin' six white horses,
She'll be screwin' six white horses when she comes
Oh we'll all go out to meet her when she comes
Oh we'll all go out to meet her when she comes
Oh we'll all go out to meet her, all go out to meet her,
We'll all go out to meet her when she comes
And she'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes
And she'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes
Oh she'll have to sleep with grandma, have to sleep with grandma,
She'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes
And she'll be ridin round the mountin' when she comes
She'll be comin round the mountin' when she comes
She'll be comin round the mountin', she'll comin round the mountin',
She'll be comin round the mountin' when she comes
Have to sleep with grandma when she comes
Oh we'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes
Oh we'll have to sleep with grandma, we'll have to sleep with grandma,
We'll have to sleep with grandma when she comes
d00d, that fuckin sucks.
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11. |
Goodnight Drag Queens
01:16
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Good night Amber,
Good night Lucy Belle,
Good night Margeurite,
You all done drank too much.
Good night Drag Queens,
Good night Drag Queens,
Sweet dreams Drag Queens,
Shut up, it’s time to go home.
Lucy Belle drank all the shots.
All the shots. All the shots.
Lucy Belle drank all the shots,
It's time to close the bar.
Good night Amber,
Good night Lucy Belle,
Good night Margeurite,
It's time to go the fuck home.
Good night Amber,
Good night Lucy Belle,
Good night Margeurite,
You all done drank too much.
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12. |
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On top of a trailer all cover in snow, Beaver Pond had a blizzard and there was nowhere to go.
I looked to the ashtray and to my surprise, I salvaged a roach from last June or July.
I smoked and it hit me, I kicked like a goat. Felt like I got dropkicked in the fuckin troat.
I ran to the kitchen for something to drink, I shot the last fireball and started to think.
If I grew my own bud I could sell it for more, but I’d prob’ly just smoke it before it went out the door.
Now I’m stuck with my peen-pods. My kids are the worst. Call Ready Funeral, and order me a hearse.
On top of a trailer all cover in snow, Beaver Pond had a blizzard and there was nowhere to go
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13. |
Red River Valley
00:52
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From this valley they say you are going,
I will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile,
For they say you are taking the sunshine,
that brightens our pathways awhile.
Come and sit by my side if you love me,
do not hasten to bid me ad-i-e-u,
but remember the Red River Valley,
and the cowboy who loved you so true, d00d.
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14. |
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We come on the sloop John B
My grandfather and me
Around Nassau town we did roam
Drinking all night
Got into a fight
Well, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home
So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home
Let me go home
I wanna go home, yeah, yeah
Well, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home
The first mate, he got drunk
And broke in the captain's trunk
The constable had to come and take him away
Sheriff John Stone
Why don't you leave me alone? Yeah, yeah
Well, I feel so broke up
I wanna go home
So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home, d00d!
Why don'cha let me go home
Why don'cha let me go home
Let me go home (hoist up the John B's sail)
(Why don't you let me go home?)
Hoist up the John B's sail (hoist up the John B's sail)
Feel so broke up
I wanna go home
Let me go home
So hoist up the John B's sail
See how the mainsail sets
Call for the captain ashore
Let me go home, d00d!
Why don'cha let me go home
Why don'cha let me go home
Let me go home (hoist up the John B's sail)
(Why don't you let me go home?)
Hoist up the John B's sail (hoist up the John B's sail)
Feel so broke up
I wanna go home
Let me go home
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15. |
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VERSE
Here comes Amber, stop what you’re doing.
Here comes Amber, she’s just doing what she can, d00d!
Here comes Amber, cue the spotlight
Here comes Amber with two drinks in her hand, d00d!
BRIDGE
The matriarch of fashion, from sequins to her glasses
You can’t look away
Ax “How does she do it?” There’s really nothing to it.
d00d, she got that fe-mi-nine gaze!
If you have a party, or if you’re feelin’ naughty,
Call up the House of LeMay!
VERSE
Here comes your fa-vo-rite gal.
Here comes your Que-en!
Here comes the talk of the town,
It’s Amber Live tonight!
The music starts a-playin’, it’s time for cabaret-in’
On Amber Live tonight! D00D!
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Jack A Quint New York, New York
Jack Quint is an actor/musician in New York by way of Vermont. He received awards for his original comedy music video Slow Jam Girl (Midnight Film Festival and the NY International Film Festival). In collaboration with the House of LeMay, Jack is the composer for the livestream talkshow Amber Live! and he also makes regular acting contributions with his original character Rusty Peen. JackQuint.com ... more
